Lessons on being the eldest daughter.

You’ve always taken being the eldest daughter very seriously. You thought being the eldest meant being more calm, reliable, stable, responsible, helpful, strong. You observed the dynamics at home and concluded that keeping things together would be your job. You believed that being a “good” older sister meant doing things “right” and carrying what others couldn’t.

But you didn’t have the tools you needed yet to assume such an undertaking as a child. You learned by copying what you saw and using the only examples you had. You did’t know then that real connection comes from curiosity and closeness, not pressure and control.

As we grew older, we realized something important: the standards you were holding yourself to, didn’t align with the sister you knew you wanted to be. To show your sister what is possible, we couldn’t keep performing a role built from survival. You had to learn, grow and heal for yourself first.

This is when being the eldest stopped meaning”carrying everything” and started meaning, “be someone she can look at, and see another way.” I needed to shift my pressure to presence and my proving to becoming.

You’ll always want to be a good sister. This feeling won’t disappear, but now it doesn’t mean losing yourself in the process. Being a good sister means becoming yourself, so she knows she’s allowed to do the same.

- Sabrina