Your relationship with mom.

You watched mom try so hard to make everything okay (the home, the joy, the family). She thought that love meant keeping it all together, holding all of the broken pieces together so no one could see how close it all was to falling apart. She believed that if she gave us the life she never had, it would heal what she couldn’t name in herself.

But I know how that comfort is not something you inherit. It’s something you learn how to build. She tried to give us the result instead of showing us the process and in doing so, she taught us to chase perfection before peace. She couldn’t see that the real lesson wasn’t in what she provided, it was in what she couldn’t.

I don’t talk to her now but I see her shadow in the choices I almost make. The urge to perform stability, the need to prove I’m okay. Every time I catch myself, I remind us both: I’m allowed to build differently.

I won’t give my children a finished picture. I’ll give them the truth of becoming, the mess, the questions, the rebuilding, doubt, curiosity. Love is not what keeps things perfect. Love is what stays honest when everything changes.

- Sabrina